It can be heart breaking as a therapist to see a client dismiss or dislike their vulnerable child mode in the room. When this happens there’s usually a punitive critic mode being triggered. You’ll know the punitive critic has entered the room because the client’s affect and tone of voice changes. They may become tense, sound harsh and even raise their voice. They may things like, “I hate that little guy, he’s pathetic/I can’t stand her/they’re just playing the victim.” You’ll also be able to notice the presence of the punitive critic through your own counter transference. Common responses include alarm or fear along with a sense of protection towards the vulnerable child mode. Identifying the note of your own countertransference will help you better detect the presence of the punitive critic in the room.
Some ideas to address the critic and soothe the vulnerable child include:
· Notice and name the presence of the punitive critic in the room (e.g., what just happened there? Something shifted and I’m wondering if your punitive critic has entered the room?)
· Place the punitive critic in a chair and stick up to them on behalf of the VC’s needs as the bigger, wiser, stronger other in the room (e.g., I’m not going to let you speak to little X. They need care and support not punishment and cruelty)
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· Use imagery to float back to where they heard/felt similar harsh messages (e.g., you’re pathetic), often from a parental figure. Confront the antagonist (e.g., that’s enough, I won’t let you hurt your child). Soothe the VC (e.g., I’m sorry dad said that. It’s not your fault and you are worthy of love and affection)
· After imagery, explore with the client how the parental figure’s lack of compassion has influenced their connection to the VC (e.g., disliking the VC, numbing emotional pain etc.)
· Invite the healthy adult to reflect on what messages landed with them during the imagery and encourage them to reflect on this message between sessions.
· Be patient. It will take time for the client to internalise our reparenting messages and be able to fight their own punitive critic. They may not have enough healthy adult mode to do this initially.
It is also beneficial to work from a somatic perspective as schemas are held in the body along with emotions, thoughts and memories. As we develop a limited reparenting relationship with clients we can help them have corrective emotional experiences in their body and create a felt sense of safety.
To work from a somatic perspective and bring awareness to their modes:
· Draw attention to a client’s posture, tone, and energy when they are in the critic mode (e.g., tension, harsh tone) and also help them notice the somatic signature of the vulnerable child mode (e.g., collapsed, sounding small) · Explore with the client what kinds of soothing the vulnerable child needs (e.g., safety, reassurance)? What gesture/physical movements help bring that soothing (e.g., a hand placed on their heart)? · What gesture might help shift them from critic mode to Healthy Adult mode (e.g., taking a deep breath, sitting up straight and relaxing their shoulders)? · If a child lacked comfort, what kinds of texture and transition objects meet that need (e.g. a fleece or holding a stone to ground them) · If a child lacked stability and predictability what textures and objects bring a sense of strength, solidness and grounding? · Explore what transitional objects and soothing items feel helpful for your client |
Tena Davies is a Clinical Psychologist and Advanced Certified Schema Therapist, Supervisor and Trainer. Tena is passionate about supporting fellow schema therapists in learning and simplifying schema therapy. You can learn more about Tena's individual and group supervision here.
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